More Tiger Cubs???

OK, now here's Tiger Woods, going all Brad Pitt on us in today's news.

"I can't tell you how eye-opening it has been and how fantastic it has been," Woods said. "Here is one of the weirdest feelings you have as a parent.

"It has been so hard and so difficult, so time-consuming, but you can't wait to have another one. Theoretically, it doesn't make any sense, but it has been so cool.

"We just can't wait to experience more things with Sam and obviously hopefully have others in the future."

The newest light of Woods' life has an eye for the spotlight already.

"She loves light for some reason," Woods said. "I don't know if that means she's going to love cameras, but she loves light. She likes just to stare at light. It has actually been pretty neat.

"To make her fall asleep, just turn the light on."

So cute, these new celebrity daddies. I can't wait to see Tiger sporting the Baby Bjorn at his next tournament. Or maybe a huge spit up stain on the back of his Nike golf shirt. . .

Potty Mouth

You are not going to believe this, coming so soon after my post about the Mickey Poop. But it's true. . .sad, but true. . .

Yesterday afternoon we loaded the car with all our overdue videos, books, magazines and headed to the library to return them and see if they had any books in that my book-devouring daughter had not yet read. And it was really, really hot. And grotesquely humid. And Little Guy had not yet had a nap. And he was extremely tired. And frighteningly grumpy.

So I hoped to kill two birds with one stone--accomplish previously mentioned library goals and have Little Guy fall into a sleep stupor.

And I thought he was well on his way to sleep when I got him out of the car and put him into the stroller. Glazed eyes, floppy limbs--oh yeah, this plan is working, I think to myself.

We return our books and stroll around the library, enjoying the frigid temperature and the near-absolute quiet. (Sort of what I imagine heaven to be like, except maybe without the homeless people lounging about like they own the place.) Little Guy's head begins to lean to one side, a sure sign that nap is forthcoming.

And then we have to look up an author of a book series on the computer, so I plop down next to a half-crazy looking lady, parking Little Guy behind me, facing her direction. He then decides to pop out of his trance and communicate. "WOBBUFFET!" he says loudly to the lady. I guess he wants to talk with her about Pokemon characters.

So of course, the lady replies in a growly voice "WOBBUFFET!" and then leans over and repeats it very seriously, right into his little face. Aha! Another Pokemon fan!

Surprisingly, Little Guy did not burst into tears, but he knew that he needed to get out of there FAST so he utilized his resource most likely to remove him rapidly from the situation.

"I NEED TO GO PEEEEE PEEEEE!!!" he shouts loudly, shattering the church-like quiet of the library. I notice heads swiveling towards us from all over the library, mouths dropping open, and librarians cringing in horror. More egregious than the proclamation itself is the volume of his statement. Librarians really do not like small children very much, nor do they like loud noises.

I want to disappear or at the very least, flee the library immediately but I know that since he is wearing "big boy" pants (also known as Diego underwear), I cannot take a chance by calling his bluff. So we gather up our 3 bags of DVD's and every Encyclopedia Brown book the library has in stock, and rush to the nearest bathroom.

Luckily, the nearest bathroom is the so-called Children's Restroom. But why, oh why, if this is the "Children's Restroom", does the potty need to be so tall? Little Guy has decided he MUST PEE STANDING UP, not sitting down. And this usually is fine, since we usually never leave home, where we have numerous step stools which allow him to be high enough to do his business.

Thinking fast, in a single motion I pick him up out of the stroller, pull down his pants and hold him ABOVE THE TOILET, hoping he will not be too terrified or freaked out to pee. Somehow he manages to do his thing and I breathe a sigh of relief.

Another disaster averted. I feel like SUPERMOM!

Mickey Mouse Poop

Living in Florida, we accept our state's tourism and theme parks, along with everything it entails. And somewhere I read that it is good that children be proud of and not embarassed of their excretions (yes, I mean poo and pee.) How are these two items related, you ask?

Well, let me just tell you.

The other day I had the exquisite pleasure of allowing my recently potty trained 2 1/2 year old to sit on the potty alone for a few minutes. After a short while, he calls out from the bathroom "I made a MICKEY POOP!" in a startled and delighted voice.

Sure enough, he had made a Mickey Poop. I praised him and rewarded him with M&M's and told him, quite honestly, that it was THE BEST MICKEY POOP I HAD EVER SEEN!

Sorry I don't have a photo of the real thing, but I thought that might be crossing the line. (Trust me, as an avid scrapbooker, it did cross briefly cross my mind. Very briefly.)

Invasion of the Java Blue Mommy Clones

I've been a Stay-At-Home-Mom for the last 2 1/2 years. This experience is alternately enlightening, challenging, and frustrating at times (sometimes all at one time!) Because of this, I have resorted to wearing what I refer to as my "mom uniform."

My daily uniform includes a solid colored shirt, with or without stains and bleach spots, and a pair of denim capri pants, with or without those stupid tie things around the leg. (Not sure what those are actually for, unless some capri-wearing people decide to hike them up above the knee and tie a little bow to hold them up there for a charming pantaloon effect.) I try to select a shirt with no stains when I have to go out in public, just as a courtesy to those who observe me closely.

Lately I have been stuffing a Vera Bradley bag with all of my out-in-the-world necessities like baby wipes and folding potty seats, spare underwear and shorts (for little guy, not for me. . .hopefully!) and cell phones and cameras, not to mention wallet, sunglasses, keys, a water bottle, a sippy cup and whatever else will fit. Sadly, one day while waiting in line at the Target Food Court for my $1 popcorn and drink combo (what a deal!), both in front of me and in back of me were similarly clad moms, fully decked out in their solid color shirts, capri pants and with their Vera Bradley bags. What actually drew my attention to them was the bags--we all had the same pattern (java blue--gotta love it) but different styles. AND THEN I saw another one filling up her cup at the drink machine-thing.

What in the world? Suddenly aware of my shocking lack of originality, I quickly glanced at footwear of the clones. Aha! I must be the original after all. NONE OF THEM were wearing hot pink Mickey Mouse Crocs, they had all opted for the neutral leather sandals or flip flops. OK, I will admit that I only had on the Mickey Crocs because I forgot to change into my neutral khaki Crocs before I left home.

I love Crocs! I have been wearing them since July of last year (no, not continuously, but almost!) They are the most comfortable shoes ever. Sure, they're ugly, but at least they make you stand out in a crowd of mommy clones!

Oh, yeah, I lost my train of thought--Crocs do that to me. Anyhow, I decided to switch bags when I got home. I thought I would be different and go with a solid black bag for a while. . . besides, the folding potty seat fits better in the black one.

Helium Balloons Changed My Life

We just returned from getting groceries--feels so good to get back in air conditioning! Little guy is napping with a purple helium balloon's string clenched tightly in his sweaty paw.

The picture on the right was taken last month by a helium balloon over 22 miles above the earth's surface, with a Nikon Coolpix camera payload. So that's what the balloon sees as we stare sadly from below, waving good-bye to the "one that got away." Here's the article if you don't believe me.

I now have to shop at a grocery store 5 miles from my house, even though another (same store name) less than ONE MILE from my house.

Sadly, the grocery store closest to our house no longer gives away free helium balloons, which they had been doing for, oh I don't know, FOREVER. You can still get the free cookie, but no balloon.

And WE NEED A BALLOON IF WE GO TO THE STORE. It is a necessity of life, like breathing air. Because my little guy is 2 1/2, he REMEMBERS THE BALLOONS and expects to be given one EVERY TIME WE GO.

So now we drive to the other store. I have to look at the bright side of half-melted ice cream and warm milk. Not only do we have a BALLOON AND A HAPPY KID, but can make a rockin' milkshake, too!

What's BUGging Me NOW!

What next? It seems nothing is safe anymore. Even when you are trying to protect your children, you could be harming them!

This one really freaks me out. It applies particularly to us mommies (the over-vigilant, worried, overprotective, generally freaking-out-over-every-little-thing types)

Here's an excerpt of the article, just so we can have something else to worry about!

"The Dangers Of Sunscreen And Bug Spray

KOTV - 8/30/2007 5:00 PM - Updated 8/30/2007 10:22 PM

You could be poisoning your children and not even know it. University of Oklahoma doctors say two everyday items can be toxic if used together. News On 6 anchor Scott Thompson reports sunscreen and bug spray are summertime staples, now researchers say using them together in the wrong way could be hazardous to your health.

This time of year bug spray flies off drug store shelves. Many say this season's wet weather has produced an army of mosquitoes, and they're preparing for battle. Summer's other big seller is sunscreen. While shoppers are calculating SPF's, researchers are investigating the dangerous consequences of combining sun block and bug spray.

"If they're both in solution at one time, it appears that you can increase the amount that gets into the system," said Dr. Bill Banner, Poison Control Medical Director.

Toxicologist Dr. Bill Banner points to new research that says using bug repellent and sunscreen together can have potentially toxic side effects. He says the combination makes it easier for the chemical DEET in bug spray to be absorbed into the skin. Too much can cause seizures and he says children are at highest risk."

So what can you do? You can either 1) Put the insect repellant on & let it dry so it's not there in its liquid phase, and THEN apply the sunscreen OR 2) Use one of the combination products containing both sunscreen AND repellent.

And no spray of any kind for babies less than 2 months old--keep those little ones inside or cover them up for their own protection.

Aaaaaah! Living in Florida, where mosquitoes are as big as horses and the weather forecast
includes the words SUNNY and HUMID nearly every day, we have to have sunscreen AND bug repellent. Otherwise, the giant, disease-infested mosquitoes would carry our sun-scorched bodies off into the swamp!

Brainy Mom's Tip of the Day is do what you gotta do to take care of your kids. It sounds like the best choice if you need both sunscreen and bug repellent is to go ahead and buy the product with both in it. Sure it costs more, but it saves having to smear (or spray) two different products onto a screaming, writhing, complaining child. (Hey, we can't take any chances around here--it's for their own good, after all!)

Feeling Brad Pitt's "Pain"

OK, usually Brainy Mom leaves celebrity gossip and the like to others, but Brad Pitt has pulled me in most unexpectedly with his comment that he is ready for another child. Here is what my beloved Brad said:

"It's the most fun I've ever had and also the biggest pain ... I've ever experienced," he said when asked what it was like to become a family with four children in a short space of time. "I love it and can't recommend it any more highly — although sleep is nonexistent."

And here is the email I'm thinking of sending to Brad:

My Dear Brad. . . maybe you should think it over a little more before you take on responsibility for yet ANOTHER human life. I mean, we all know that you and Angie have more money than you could ever possibly spend, but if you already find your children the biggest pain you've ever experienced. . .just wait!

Eventually those kids won't be so little, cute, or agreeable and then how much of a "pain" will they be? What about when they become teenagers, start dating, want to borrow your Ferrari, or want to become ACTORS? What then, Brad?

"Sleep is nonexistent". . .oh, really? Just wait until your staying up all night worrying if they are okay, when they will be home, why they haven't called you back after you left all those messages. You had better enjoy what little sleep you are getting now, Brad, because I think you are going to need it!

And why go for more quantity? Why not put a little effort into producing quality human beings out of the children you already have? They're not like puppies or stuffed animals. . . they are people. . .and you need to determine what void in your life you are trying to fill. Maybe it's time for a little introspection and delving into your psyche, Brad.

Just think about it a little bit more, that's all I'm asking.

Best wishes to Angie and the little ones!

Your friend,

Brainy Mom

P.S.-- If you do go through with this, you might want to look for a larger home, such as the one on the right.